


Proud

by PoisonSmoke



Category: Blue Exorcist
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Memories, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Pain, Self-Harm, Song: Dad's Song (Set it off), Songfic, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-28
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2021-02-19 05:15:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22005757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoisonSmoke/pseuds/PoisonSmoke
Summary: He knew that his father loved him, but being proud was different from loving and now his father couldn't tell him anymore that he was proud even thought he finally got his life in order and it hurt like hell, but maybe in the end it would all be okay.¤ I don't own Blue Exorcist ¤
Relationships: Okumura Rin/Suguro "Bon" Ryuuji
Comments: 1
Kudos: 104





	Proud

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Dads Song by Set it Off 
> 
> Warnings: - Boy x Boy (only a little bit at the end)  
> \- self harm

**Do you believe in happy endings?  
Or the mendings of human hearts?  
Oh, I believe in both, I'm certain  
Because these curtains  
Are state of the art **

Back when he had to watch his father die, because of him, his heart shattered in what felt like a million pieces.  
They maybe fought a lot, but that didn't mean that he didn't love his old man.  
Rin didn't believe that his heart could ever be mended, that he could ever find a happy ending.  
Now he believed in it, because he found his happy ending that was able to mend his broken heart, it took a long time and scars would always be there, but it wasn't broken in pieces anymore.

**If you'd occasionally happen to spy on me  
You'd think I'm having one sided conversations  
But I hear him talking back  
You'd think I may even lack some sanity  
But maybe I can't let go **

There were times when he would just sit on the roof of their ugly, old dorm, looking at the star filled sky with Kuro sleeping on his lap, talking to his father and imagined what his father would say, he could swear that sometimes he heard his old man talking back to him, just a faint whisper in the icy wind.  
Rin knew that Yukio would take him to the mental ward if he told him that, especially after he found out about his dirty little secret.  
A secret of bloody cuts, cold and sharp metal, many tears and lonely night.  
Maybe he was a bit insane, but he couldn't let go, not of the man that raised and loved him so much that he died only to save his disgraced son.

**So I'll say  
I finally wrote your song at last  
Sorry that this one came out so sad  
Every tear I had  
Was shed for the man that gave me a better sense  
Of life and meaning to motivate  
There's no shortcuts to success  
I'll wait for his guiding hands  
My guardian angel until the very end **

He hadn't cried since his fathers funeral, all the tears Rin had where for his father.  
Then and now, he wasn't a cry baby anyway.  
He rather kept his emotion for himself anyway, atleast the sad ones.  
Playing the ever happy boy was easier, putting a smile on his face and making jokes was the only thing he was ever good at and maybe fighting, but fighting wouldn't help him anymore.  
It was only good to let his emotions out and to protected his baby brother.  
Yukio didn't need his protection anymore and he could let his emotions out in killing demons, it was atleast simular to the street fights he used to have every other day and Shiro never liked it when he came home with bloody hands and split lips. 

**I see a cold seat on the couch  
Where I remember that just four years ago around December  
You sat me down  
And held me next to you so close  
How I long for things to be restored  
To back when times weren't quite this hard  
And record that song you sang to me  
Never rang so loud before **

Being home at the monastery over the holidays, hurt, it hurt so bad. Everything brought back memories of a time he would never get back.  
The living room still looked the same and for the split of a second Rin could see Yukio and his younger self running around in it, laughing, playing and having fun. Did his younger twin already know everything back then ? Looking around the images of the happy time faded to dust, leaving nothing back but an empty feeling in his chest.

Quietly he sat on the old cough and a sad little smile found the way on his face.  
He remembered how Shiro, and he sat at the same place when he was 13.  
It was December only a few days before his birthday, he couldn't recall much from this day, he only knew that he was sick that day, running a high fever.  
His Dad had forced him to stay at home on the cough in the living room, so he didn't cause any trouble. 

It was late in the afternoon when his old man finally had some free time and sat next to him, pulling him into a close hug, telling him to try to sleep.  
He didn't want to sleep, not when Shiro finally had some time only for him, without them fighting, but his dad knew what he had to do.  
So he just started to sing the same song he used to sing to them when they were babys and wouldn't sleep at night.  
Rin hated then, he wasn't a baby anymore, but now he would give almost everything to get this moment again.  
Closing his eyes to stop the tears that were about to fall, Rin got up and look back, Shiro seat would forever be cold. 

Things were so much easier back then.

**Oh, what'd I'd give for just another hug from you  
You may be gone, but love will never die. **

Closing the door to his old room he finally let himself fall onto his knees bringing his arms around himself.  
He would give his life only to feel the arms of his father around him once more, but even his Shiro was gone, he still could feel the love with every fiber of his body. 

**Tears can't run dry when I start to cry  
When I hear people speak of how  
You'd be so proud of me  
And how I hope this song will reach your ears  
About some of my darkest fears  
I once was blind, but now it's clear  
Wherever I go, I know that you'll be near. **

He could hear them talking, all the people in the town, the Priests the monastery, his old teachers and classmates.  
He was used to this 'Demon child' and other hurtful things used to be only things they talked about when they saw him and it didn't hurt him anymore, but now...now he couldn't stop the tears from falling, he didn't think they would ever run dry. 

“Shiro would be proud of him.” 

“If Father Fujimoto didn't die, I'm sure he would be proud of Rin”

“I don't see how Okumura was so bad in middle school, from what I heard he is taking school rather serious now...if he was my son, I would be proud”

For a long time he didn't see his perspective in life, maybe he was a little blind.  
He always thought that his Father loved Yukio a bit more, after all they used to go on their little secret trips he was never allowed to come too.  
It was his biggest and darkest fear, that Shiro didn't love him as much as Yukio, but now Rin could see it clearly.  
His father always wanted the best for both of them, and he would always be there for them alive or dead. 

He would always be near.

**I finally wrote your song at last  
Sorry that this one came out so sad  
Every tear I had  
Was shed for the man that gave me a better sense  
Of life and meaning to motivate  
There's no shortcuts to success  
I'll wait for his guiding hands  
My guardian angel until the very end **

Walking around the crowded train station with a smile on his face, he had released what his father always wanted to teach him.  
He just needed to find the right motivation in his life to get to bigger things and shortcuts weren't the right way to success. Sure the way could be rocky and hard sometimes, but with a guardian angle like his father, he didn't feel scared anymore. 

Looking around he finally spotted the person he was looking for, and if it was even possible his smile got wider. 

Standing there was Bon, who hasn't seen him yet, so he simply stared to run, jumping straight into the older boys arms, that caught him only second before he would have crashed onto the ground. 

" Okumura are you crazy ?"  
Bon said in the deep voice the younger boy lived so much.

"Maybe...but I missed you." 

" I missed you too..." It was said so quite that Rin almost overheard it with all the noise that was around him, but it was enough for him to tighten his hug.

Hand in hand they walked out of the train station, over to a small park where they would meet with Yukio and Shiemi later. 

Feeling older boy suddenly stop Rin looked back.

"I know you had a hard time Rin, especially with going back to the place that holds so many memories for you, but believe me when I tell you one thing. Your Dad would be **proud** of you."


End file.
